The holidays are joyous for many, but they can also come paired with a lot of stress if your family time has the potential to include some difficult situations.
Whether it's hosting in-laws, navigating political debates at the table, or reaching your overstimulation limit, we asked the experts how to best handle these moments with grace while maintaining your sanity along the way.
WHY CAN THESE GATHERINGS BE STRESSFUL?
According to Paul Krauss, MA, LPC, Host of The Intentional Clinician Podcast, and Co-founder of Health for Life Counseling, people often feel caught in "cycles of defense and imposition" around the holidays, especially with family.
"Old wounds can be reopened and unresolved dynamics resurface, leading to feelings of being 'alone and not understood,' even in a room full of loved ones," Krauss said. "Holidays have a way of magnifying these tensions due to heightened expectations and the pressure to create perfect moments."
NAVIGATING POLITICAL WOES & SETTING BOUNDARIES
When conversations derail from sugar cookies and the snowy weather into heated debates, especially around politics, Krauss explained this is when the cycle of "defense and imposition" resurfaces.
"It helps to approach such conversations with clear goals: Is your aim to be understood or to convince? Set boundaries before topics get out of hand and use empathy to understand what others are protecting when they get defensive," he said. "Sometimes, the best strategy is to agree to disagree and redirect."
Dr. Nicole Cain, ND, MA, Integrative Mental Health Expert, Author, Host of the Holistic Inner Balance Podcast, and Co-founder of Health for Life Counseling, added that if you notice your nervous system going into fight-or-flight because of a heated topic, pause and ground yourself.
"Calmly say, 'I value our relationship more than this debate. Let's talk about something lighter.' This helps de-escalate and keeps the connection intact," Dr. Cain shared in her book Panic Proof.
If you're concerned about causing further offense, Krauss also recommends naming the discomfort, gently inviting a shift, or potentially removing yourself from the situation.
"Say, 'Personally, this conversation is getting a bit intense for me. Are you open to changing the subject?' Or physically excuse yourself—step outside for fresh air," he advised. "These moves can redirect energy without direct confrontation. However, sometimes you just have to say that you need a break."
Remember: It's not unkind to set boundaries with family members.
PRIORITIZE SELF-CARE AND ADVOCATE FOR YOUR NEEDS
Preparation before a big holiday family visit is vital.
"Practice mindfulness and breathing techniques before and during gatherings," Dr. Cain suggested. "It helps to plan moments of stillness—brief bathroom breaks to deep-breathe, short walks, or quietly chewing food with intention. Even small acts can reset your nervous system in crowded spaces."
Dr. Cain also recommends creating your own "panic pack" of things like a list of affirming phrases, soothing scents, or grounding objects you can subtly use to gently reassure yourself in times of anxiety.
If you're the type of person who recharges your battery by being alone, plot out potential windows during holiday visits or gatherings when you can have some time to yourself. Krauss reminds us once more that you're not being rude for tending to your needs.
"Explain openly, 'I really value this time, and I do need a short break to recharge and will be back soon,'" he said. "Being proactive and communicating helps others understand it's about self-preservation, not avoidance."
Dr. Cain reinforces this idea by emphasizing the importance of framing the alone time as a positive statement by saying things like, "I show up best when I have moments to myself."
"Invite others to respect similar needs, making it a family norm," she said.
REMEMBER THAT PERFECTION DOESN'T EXIST
Make peace with the fact that overstimulation is probably going to happen. Some difficult conversations may be had. Stress is going to happen. But that's OK! If you adopt the approach of having realistic expectations, the better off you'll be.
"Accept that visits won't be perfect and focus on what's meaningful to you," Krauss said. "Communicate boundaries with your host ahead of time—let them know your needs. Have a plan for self-care and use mindfulness to ground yourself before entering challenging environments."
Having a game plan can truly make all the difference so you can focus on enjoying this special time with loved ones, creating memories full of joy rather than distress.
Written by Sarah Suydam, Managing Editor for West Michigan Woman.
This article originally appeared in the Oct/Nov '25 issue of West Michigan Woman.
